Quieting the Mind & Connecting with Your Core Sacred Self™

Over the last year I’ve been studying a lot of books on quieting the mind and staying in a Christ-like loving space. This quest has largely, been driven by my desire to find peace in a troubled world – inner peace of mind and bodily peace (lowering my blood pressure). I’ve studied these concepts from multiple angles – quantum physics, religious, relationship-related, enlightenment / awakening, psychological and spiritual.

As I’ve been listening to a book called Inter Family Systems Therapy (IFS), I’m realizing that our Core Sacred Self™ is whole, divine, and is compassionate and curious. It seeks to understand and looks for a reason to have compassion. This, I believe is our eternal spirit… it’s undamaged and whole. The challenge is that for most of us it’s gotten crowded out, muffled and/or ignored.

Most of us operate to varying degrees from what IFS calls “protector parts” that have exiled other parts of ourselves in order to protect them or to protect the psychological/emotional/body systems. Protector parts can do a lot of damage when they’re just trying to help. How they act is logical to them based on beliefs and patterns developed because of trauma or misunderstanding.

If we’re compassionate and curious we’re operating from our Core Sacred Self™ . If we’re judgmental, self-righteous, hurt, angry, hateful, or fearful, etc., we are not operating from our divine spirit.

“Righteous Indignation” May Not Be So Righteous

One of my biggest insights is that “righteous indignation” probably isn’t all that righteous most of the time. If we operated from the divine we would seek to understand or at least realize that others act and believe the way they do based on what they’ve been taught, seen, or perceived in their experiences and that their behavior is perfectly logical to them.

If we operated from our Core Sacred Self™, we would have compassion and be curious about what drives others and seek for understanding. Anger would not be our go-to. This does not mean we don’t speak the truth or set healthy boundaries.

Compassion Doesn’t Preclude Speaking the Truth

I used to hold back my thoughts and feelings to keep peace at any price. I eventually learned that this is a formula for major relationship issues. Many times, speaking the truth (or the truth of how you feel in a healthy way) is actually more merciful than silence. Leading people on with silence only serves to reinforce problems or poor behavior and doesn’t allow for healthy communication. When we remain silent, problems and conflicts don’t get addressed while they are still manageable or correctable. It’s much more difficult to correct problems after they’ve gotten so bad you’ve destroyed a relationship.

I’ve learned in my marriage to Dave that speaking up and addressing misconceptions, confusion, or problems early and lovingly is actually easier than letting things fester. We call it having “the hard conversations.” Deeper love, understanding, and compassion are found on the other side of those “hard conversations.” I’ve discovered that many of the conversations I thought were too difficult to have are really easy when you have two people who love each other and are seeking to understand and support one another.

Speaking the truth can be done with compassion and a desire for mutual understanding. Jesus did call out the Pharisees on their hypocrisy. He did overturn the money changer tables. But if we were there, I believe we would see a different attitude as it was done than what we may suppose. It’s a fun exercise to imagine how Christ would have done all these things with compassion and love. What might that look like?

Rose Bush Analogy: Dealing with Difficult People

quieting the mind, connecting with your divine self, the rose analogy

What about when you’re dealing with someone who isn’t loving, doesn’t care to create mutual understanding, is combative, or gives you the silent treatment?

While you may not be able to have great problem-resolving conversations with these people, I think it’s possible to be compassionate toward them.

Self-Care and Processing Your Own Emotions Comes First

If I reach into a rose bush and get stabbed by a thorn, I may need to deal with my own feelings first and address the damage done by the thorn. I may need to pull the thorn out and find a bandage.

After we’ve dealt with our own ramifications, we realize what we’re dealing with – a very thorny rose bush. We may need to wear gloves and long sleeves. We may need to steer clear of the bush all together until we have a healthy way to interact with it. When people lash out at us or hurt us, we might need some time to show compassion toward ourselves and address our own wounds – emotionally and/or physically.

After we’ve stepped back a bit, we can look with compassion on the person who is operating from their wounds and limiting beliefs. Something in their mental or emotional system is causing them to lash out at us.

God created the rose bush, just as He created each of us. We can acknowledge that “thorny” people may not have the tools we do. They don’t have our life experiences. We don’t know their history, and they don’t know ours – not really – no matter how many years they’ve been in our lives. We haven’t walked a mile in their shoes, and they haven’t walked in ours.

We can have compassion, but even with that compassion we can be strong and solid in protecting ourselves and others from their behavior. We may need to steer clear of the thorns or wear protective clothing or gear. There may also be times when we need to warn others: “Hey that rose bush is really thorny. Watch out!”

Below you’ll find a list of the books I’ve been reading that have given me insights into our true nature and identifying and releasing what gets in the way of being our Core Sacred Self™. You might also be interested in my book, “Finding Peace in a Turbulent World: Living in Sacred Nature .“

My Reading List

Meditation / Mindfulness

The Way of Effortless Mindfulness: A Revolutionary Guide for Living an Awakened Life by Loch Kelly. I got this one as an audio book, but I think it would be easier to track with it in a print format.

Psychological

The New Science of Transformation: How Enlightenment Changes Your Brain by Andrew Newburg, MD
Inter Family Systems Therapy by Richard C. Schwartz

Spiritual

Sacred Earth. Sacred Soul. by John Philip Newell – This one is fun to listen to as an audio book. The narrator has a delightful Irish accent. For more of my thoughts on Sacred Earth. Sacred Soul, click here.