Pottery Parable: When Someone Sees You as the Villain in His Life Story
In recent years, I’ve made peace with the past. I don’t rehash often. But occasionally, when I bump into a conflicting viewpoint of what happened, I revisit yesteryear. I most especially, do this when someone I love sees me as the villain in his life story!
God has told me specifically to stop rehashing the past. Stop wishing I’d done things differently. Stop feeling bad about less-than-stellar choices or downright awful ones. Apologize, give it to Christ, and let it go. Stop groping for the meaning in the madness. But when someone else is suffering, and my past intersected with theirs, what role did I play? Did I contribute to their suffering or their unhappy way of looking at the world? When I become aware that someone I love sees me in a derogatory way, I look back.
This morning I looked back. Interestingly, I couldn’t remember much of anything. When you don’t remember, you think maybe the other person’s viewpoint could hold merit. Maybe you were a horrible person. What if you were rotten to the core and were completely oblivious to the fact? You just can’t remember the details well enough.
Pottery Parable: A Process of Becoming
As I was having a conversation with God about this, He told me to think about the pottery I’m creating. Last night we glazed our fired pieces. They will eventually be shiny deep purple, blue, green, black, yellowish or tan speckled; and various combinations thereof. For now, they look muted. Deep eggplant purple looks pink. Money green looks tan. Another green looks baby blue. Cobalt blue looks white. Black Licorice looks gray.
Before the glaze is fired, the pieces look rather boring and unattractive. In fact, I can’t really be sure what they are going to look like. But I have faith that they will be bright and beautiful.
Since I had no clear conception of what my pieces would look like, I had to let go of the outcome and have fun with it. I splashed second colors on. I dipped rims in third colors. I used a paintbrush to add swirls and random spots. If glaze drizzled down the rim, I splashed on more random glaze, so it looks like I meant to do that.
I have faith that somehow, my pottery pieces are going to be interesting and beautiful in the end — even though right now they look, “meh…”
Life is a lot like creating pottery. We have many “meh” moments. The life we’re creating doesn’t look all that stellar or beautiful. We do our best, get creative, and hope things work out. We also have moments when the clay slings off the wheel or the side of our piece collapses.
Over the six-week pottery course, I created about 32-34 pieces of pottery. I feel good about what I created. I feel comfortable with the process, and I have faith that in all those pieces there are going to be some beautiful vessels. Most of all, the process was rewarding and fun! I enjoyed myself.
As my mind sought to understand why someone I love sees me as a villain in his story, I felt God say, “Do you like who you are today, Marnie?”
“I do,” I answered. “I really do. I love my life and I like who I’ve become.”
“All your past experiences made you who you are. Individual experiences don’t matter any more than remnant clay that got scrapped, or the clay that flew off the wheel, or the drips of glaze. Life in the middle looks like last night’s muted unattractive pieces before the glaze was fired. What matters is who you are today. All those experiences made you who you are. Can you really be someone who was rotten at the core if you like who you are today?”
The same goes for this other person who sees me in a way I do not see myself. This person who knew me years ago saw me “in process” when he was “in process” himself. As I look back to remember moments with this individual, I realize that he isn’t that person anymore either. There is no point in looking back and trying to remember times with him because that person no longer exists. If he ever allows me back in his life, I will have to put out my hand and proverbially say, “I’m Marnie Kuhns. I’d love to get to know you. Please tell me about yourself.” The love remains. The specifics do not.
When we’re fired in the kiln, if we’ve allowed Christ to repair our cracks and structural weaknesses, we’ll come out polished, interesting and beautiful.
What matters is the aggregate experiences, choices, and perspectives of our lives. Everyone must choose whether all things will work together to make them bitter or better. I cannot control how someone else sees me or chooses to live their life. I can only choose my attitude and whether I will let life’s moments make me bitter or better.
Most of all, I can learn to relax and enjoy the process, and not take everything so seriously!
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